Understanding Asexuality, from chapter 4
In which Dr. Anthony Bogaert conjectures about why the members of the anti-ace brigade (made up predominantly of queer allosexual/consexual people) hate us so much.
Without getting too much into this I want to make a few things clear.
1) No, we don’t hate you. Criticism of shit is not equal to hate. We don’t criticize out of hate, we do it because a lot of shit doesn’t make sense. Because we’re trying to understand it ourselves on a level that’s deeper than out right acceptance without thought. Acceptance without thought causes problems, after all, which is why there is such a staggeringly high number of trans* abled people. No one bothered to criticize their bullshit until after it was already well ingrained. That’s not to say that asexual politics are on the same line as trans* abled people. It’s just a demonstration of how a lack of critical thinking can and often does cause problems.
2) A lot of the anger we give comes from the people on your side of the fence constantly encroaching on our shit. And no I’m not just talking about spaces, words, or symbols. I’m also talking about who we are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to point out that homosexuality is NOT defined as same sex sexual attraction. This isn’t a definition that homosexual people have applied to ourselves, it’s one that asexual people have assigned to us. People in your community have, and still do, define the orientations of LGBQ people. I’m pretty sure that alone gives us right to be rather angry when some asexual person/people do more harmful shit such as the spaces, language, symbols, etc.
Not that you’ve ever been capable of parsing things out in that way, of course. As far as you’re concerned you’re free to generalize and override us (to the point of applying a new sexual identity term that many of us aren’t comfortable with), but if we so much as group people in your group according to hetero attraction it’s treated like the genocide of your people. We can’t call heter aces straight, but you can call us allosexual. You need to be able to ignore that we’re LGBQ, but we can’t ignore that heter aces are hetero.
You seeing the problem here? You seeing why a lot of us are pissed? Because this shit isn’t new for us. This is what we’ve dealt with for a long time both from people in your community, and the cistraights outside of your community. This is pretty fucking common for us.
3) I do fully agree with the last paragraph. Not in the racist “believe they are at the back of the bus” shit, though. I don’t ~believe I’m at a lower rung on society for being gay. It’s not something I’m convinced of. It’s a fact. Homosexual people are at the bottom of the Sexual Orientation Ladder. I am, of course, on a higher rung than LGBQ women, trans* people, POC, etc, but in terms of sexual orientation you cannot get any lower than homosexual.
So no, pushing out non LGBQ asexual people is not marginalizing an already marginalized group. I cannot marginalize cis heter aces for being hetero ace. It isn’t a thing that’s in my power to do outside of spaces that are specifically created with my needs in mind. Outside of being able to safe guard my own communit(ies) I don’t have the power to marginalize or whatever other racist language metaphor coopting that some dude who wrote a book wants to suggest.
Asexual people are not worse off than homosexual people. Stop framing your arguments or experiences or whatever in manners which often suggest that you are. It’s infuriating, and doubly so when you pull this shit and then claim that not only do the people you’ve trod all over hate you, but that said anger isn’t warranted against you. It’s deliberately obtuse bullshit that demonstrates how ignorant you are to the impact of your own actions, and just how entitled you believe yourself to be to the kindness and compassion of the LGBQ people you treat like shit.
And I do wholly mean this both as a general statement of how many asexual people treat LGBQ non aces, as well as a personal statement of you, Metapianycist, treat your LGBQ siblings. You, specifically, treat us like shit and then demand that we don’t do the same to you. You walk all over us, dismiss everything we say, and refuse to take just a moment to consider that maybe you’re in the wrong. Yes, many LGBQ non aces are pissed off. No, it’s not anti-ace brigade hate. It’s LGBQ people who are pissed off at asexual people who treat LGBQ people like shit.
It’s us tired of explaining to your group the importance and impact that specific words have. It’s us tired of teaching your group the historical significance of symbols that we hold quite dear. It’s us tired of explaining to your group what we are, how we function, and how our oppression is not something which privileges us. It’s us tired of hearing/reading “My (parent/friend/etc) thinksI’M GAY OMG HOW COULD THEY I’M SO NOT UGH” (boo fucking hoo what a tragedy to be considered gay) statement(s) over and over again. It’s us tired of getting more heterosexist, homophobic bullshit from a group of marginalized people who can’t seem to comprehend that 1% of oppression is still fucking oppression and even that much is not excusable.
But more than that, and all the things I’ve missed, it’s also the constant defending of this bullshit from the many people on your side of the fence that makes it all too much to simply sit and ignore. It’s good that you’re criticizing AVEN, and pointing out how so many people in your community pull offensive bullshit. I just wish you had the ability to do the same to the tumblr asexual community, because pal, there’s a lot of over lap that you’re refusing to see.
Amazingly enough AVEN asexual people are not 100% different from tumblr asexual people. AVEN isn’t some specific instance of problems that sprung up entirely of its own accord. It’s a community of asexual people who built said community in a fashion that protects said problems from all criticism. It’s a community of asexual people who refuse to think that they could ever have done anything wrong, who then go on to teach other people that same shit.
Tumblr asexual people are not magically different from AVEN asexual people. Tumblr asexual poeple are not automatically better than AVEN asexual people. Deconstructing AVEN would not magically fix all the problems that AVEN defended. You are not two completely different creeds of people. A forum of expression does not change the fact that much of what AVEN stands for is what many people, not just asexual people, believe to be true.
It’s a shame that you can’t seem to realize (or maybe you do and don’t care) that tumblr asexual people are just as capable of doing the same shit that AVEN asexual people do, if not more so. It’s also a shame that, even if you could read this, you wouldn’t consider any of it because, as always, those goddamn queers just can’t seem to ever stop hating asexual people. Right?